The Banana Moon Combination
by Feli
Summary: A bet that Jack and Daniel want to win, a party at Sam's house, and the General wants to liven things up..!


TITLE: The Banana Moon Combination  
  
AUTHOR: Feli  
  
EMAIL: feli.ca@web.de  
  
CATEGORY: Humor  
  
SEASON: any after season 2  
  
SPOILERS: none  
  
RATING: PG  
  
SUMMARY: A bet that Jack and Daniel want to win, a party at Sam's house, and the General wants to liven things up…  
  
STATUS: Complete  
  
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis and Fanfiction.net  
  
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The situations and original story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission of the author.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES I:  
  
Thanks as usual to Kat who not only does a wonderful beta job but also comes in with ideas just when they're needed the most!  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES II:  
  
I got the idea for this story when I listened to a song on the radio. The song featured in the most memorable scene of a wonderful movie. Which made me imagine SG1 in that particular scene… .  
  
  
  
„Aarrghh," Jack grunted, unsuccessfully pulling at the Velcro fasteners of his pants, "I can't get these damn things off!"  
  
"Here, I'll show you" offered Daniel, stretching out his hand in order to demonstrate the proper grip to rip off the pants.  
  
Jack jumped backwards. "Daniel, get your hands off me, will ya!"  
  
Daniel shrugged and lowered his arms again. "As you wish." Then he added: "But don't forget that *you* got us into this mess in the first place!"  
  
Jack glared at him. "I was talking about Westerns, John Wayne and stuff. How was I to know they'd twist my words like that?!"  
  
"Yeah, sure," Daniel retorted, "how were you to know that Sam and Janet would come up with that movie, when you told them that they can pick any movie they want?!"  
  
"I meant any Western movie" Jack insisted.  
  
"Duh. Then maybe you should have said that." Daniel glared back. Legs spread apart he and Jack confronted each other, just like the heroes of the Western epics they were talking about.  
  
"O'Neill, Daniel Jackson, maybe we should start again from the second refrain?" Teal'c interrupted the now familiar argument.  
  
"Yeah, alright" Jack grumbled.  
  
Daniel put his trousers back on and got into position between Lt. Graham Simmons and Major Paul Davis while Teal'c pressed the 'play' button on the stereo.  
  
The throaty voice of Joe Cocker filled the room. *You can leave your hat on…*  
  
---------------  
  
Janet rounded a corner and smiled when she saw Colonel O'Neill coming her way. "So, colonel, how are the preparations going with you-know-what..?"  
  
Jack hunched his shoulders uncomfortably and shot her an angry look. "We're fine, Doc. Everything's going as planned."  
  
Janet broadened her smile and patted him on the shoulder. "That's nice to hear, colonel. After all Sam's party is tomorrow." With that last gleeful remark she left Jack standing in the hallway.  
  
Through the partly open door General Hammond called his 2IC into his office.  
  
"So, you have a surprise planned for Major Carter's party tomorrow?"  
  
Jack squirmed. "It's nothing, sir, really. You won't miss a thing."  
  
"There's a good chance the hearing will adjourn sooner than planned. If so I'll get on the plane and make it to the party in no time" the General beamed.  
  
Jack blanched visibly. "Oh, sir, that's ... uh ... that's ... good" he finished lamely.  
  
"If you'll excuse me...?"  
  
---------------  
  
Later that day the six men met again at the colonel's house. Davis carried a conspicuously inconspicuous brown plastic bag into the living room and said: "I've picked up the last part of our costumes." He reached into the bag and pulled out a ball of what looked to be several black and grey cloths. Smiling he distributed them to the others.  
  
Jack held up the piece and asked: "You're kidding, right?"  
  
Teal'c raised his left eyebrow and tested how far apart he could stretch the piece.  
  
Daniel shook his head and protested: "No way!"  
  
Davis bridled. "Hey, that's what the bet stipulated, isn't it? Keep as close to the scene as possible!"  
  
Resigned, Jack gave in. "Okay, c'mon guys, let's get started. Everybody put on their costumes."  
  
Some minutes later they reassembled in the spacious living room of O'Neill's house. Teal'c grabbed the remote for the stereo and gave a few words of instruction: "Major Davis, Lt. Simmons and Daniel Jackson come out from the right, O'Neill, Sgt. Siler and I will enter from the left side. It's eight steps of marching in, then one full circle, followed by the banana moon combination."  
  
Taking his position with the others Teal'c started the music. They marched .. 'one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight' .., then circled .. 'one, two' .., thrust hips forward, then back .. 'one, two, three, four, one, two, three' .. .  
  
"Ouch!" exclaimed Simmons, "that was my foot!" Holding his injured foot in his hands he hopped around the room, glaring at Daniel.  
  
Daniel smiled sheepishly. "Oh, I'm sorry. Was that me?"  
  
"Daniel Jackson, you have a very good feeling for the rhythm of the dance. However, you must not forget that Lt. Simmons is close behind you while we perform these backward moves" Teal'c admonished the archaeologist.  
  
Jack grinned evilly. "Danny is our dance machine."  
  
Daniel grimaced at him. "At least I know how to spell the word 'rhythm'" he retorted.  
  
Davis stepped in. "Okay. Simmons, are you alright? Then let's do this again."  
  
'One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight' .., circle .. 'one, two' .. .  
  
This time they managed to go through the routine without mistakes up to the second refrain when Teal'c stopped the music.  
  
Immediately Jack used the chance to complain: "Siler, this is supposed to be dancing. You look like you're trying to repair the Stargate with a wrench!"  
  
Teal'c nodded. "Indeed, there is no need to wave your arms in such a wide arc, Sgt. Siler. It will only result in you hitting O'Neill."  
  
"Uh oh, now we wouldn't want that to happen, would we?" chuckled Daniel. Davis and Simmons merely grinned.  
  
They practiced for another two hours, then Teal'c was finally satisfied. "Well done" he commended the others. "I am confident that we will indeed win this bet tomorrow night."  
  
---------------  
  
Sam's party was already in full swing when Jack and Daniel arrived. Without admitting to it, they'd both searched for ways to delay the inevitable. Therefore Daniel had enthusiastically agreed to wait for the last results of today's hockey games to come in, and had even endured Jack's tirade about the many shortcomings of this what's-his-name player in Jack's favorite team. And of course, Jack could also have drunk the beer he needed to cool down at the party….  
  
As soon as the two friends entered the living room they were greeted by a cheering crowd of women. Teal'c walked over to them, closely followed by Davis and Simmons.  
  
"O'Neill, Daniel Jackson, it is good that you are here. These women have grown impatient. Indeed, they have threatened to undress Lt. Simmons themselves if we don't start soon."  
  
At Teal'c's words Lt. Simmons turned a bright shed of red and looked uncomfortably over his shoulder, where a group of infirmary nurses was gathered close by.  
  
Davis nodded towards the far end of the room. "Have you seen this, guys, they've even built a sort of stage."  
  
Daniel swallowed. "Oh my.. ."  
  
Sam and Janet joined the group. Sam, rocking on her heels with hands stuffed in the front pockets of her jeans, grinned at the men expectantly. "So…?"  
  
Jack put on his best poker face and returned likewise. "So…?"  
  
Sam's grin broadened. Indicating a door to the left she said: " You can go change in there if you like."  
  
Janet piped in: "That is, if you have any clothes you need to put on…!"  
  
Teal'c looked at the petite doctor and raised his right eyebrow. Then he turned back to Sam and told her: "We will be ready in five minutes, Major Carter."  
  
Janet looked from him to Daniel, then to Jack and back to Teal'c. "Uh, so Teal'c, are you the choreographer of this .. uh .. dance?"  
  
"I am indeed, Doctor Frasier." With that confirmation Teal'c headed towards the door Sam had indicated. The other men followed.  
  
"So Teal'c's got the rhythm, eh? Who would have thought..?" Janet mused.  
  
Sam shook her head, smiling. "Oh, I don't know. Sometimes, if you watch how he wields his staff, it's pretty impressive."  
  
Janet guffawed. "His staff, right..!"  
  
Sam shot her an indignant look. "His staff weapon, I mean."  
  
Her friend chortled. "Hmm, weapon, oh yes!"  
  
Sam burst out laughing, too. "Alright, alright, you win. I'll keep my mouth shut from now on."  
  
---------------  
  
General Hammond leaned forward to tap the driver on the shoulder. "Lieutenant, please stop at a mall before we arrive at Major Carter's house. There's something I have to pick up first."  
  
The driver nodded respectfully. "Yes, sir."  
  
The General grinned to himself. 'SG1 and the others are always working too hard. Who knows, they're probably at the party right now, discussing how to best fight the goa'uld instead of enjoying themselves. But I know just the right gift to liven things up at the party.'  
  
---------------  
  
A short time later Teal'c stuck his head out of the 'dressing room' and with a graceful nod indicated that the group was ready. Sam went to dim the lights and grab the remote for the stereo.  
  
Teal'c had briefed her before on when to turn on the music but Sam waited until an expectant hush had fallen over the crowd. Then she smiled and spreading her arms wide she announced: "Ladies, tonight we have a special treat for you! Just this one time they're here - and only for you … Please welcome the SGC Chippendales!!"  
  
Under a chorus of cheers the six men marched out of the dressing room. Each of them was in full uniform with service caps on their heads and an embarrassed smile on their lips. They took their positions on both sides of the stage and instantly the music flared to life.  
  
Jack took a last deep breath. On cue, he walked up the steps to the stage, with Siler and Teal'c right behind him. Their actions were mirrored by Daniel, Davis and Simmons on the other side.  
  
*Baby take off your coat..*  
  
Right foot forward, hip thrust out .. 'one, two, three, four' .., turn to the left, hip thrust out .. 'one, two, three, four' .., one slow stroke down your tie, then grab it – don't forget the hips!- rip it off and ..'one, two' .., throw it away .. .  
  
Triumphant cries rang out from the women who had caught the ties. During a half circle that brought them all marching towards the back of the stage Jack caught Daniel's eye. The young archaeologist was clearly enjoying himself.  
  
"Jack, this is fun!"  
  
Without missing a beat Jack rolled his eyes. "Better wait till the end of the song.. ."  
  
*Baby take off your shoes..*  
  
Janet fought her way back to where Sam was standing. Waving Teal'c's tie she asked: "Why haven't you tried to catch one?"  
  
Sam shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. "I'm simply waiting for the good stuff.. ."  
  
And the good stuff was coming. In tune with the growing intensity of the music the performers danced their way back to the front of the stage. With come-hither looks in their eyes they went down on their knees and started opening the first buttons of their shirts. Slowly. Suggestively.  
  
Kneeling down, Daniel got eye to eye with the nurse who always blushed furiously every time he caught her staring at him in the infirmary. With a promising smile Daniel ran his finger down from his lips and along his throat to the open collar of his shirt. Just a little tug and the buttons of the shirt opened up, one by one. With each button the helpless young nurse turned a brighter shed of red, while her friends cheered him on frenetically.  
  
On the other side of the stage Jack had also finished unbuttoning his shirt, under the watchful eyes of his 2IC. Returning her heated gaze, he shrugged the shirt off his shoulders and sent it flying towards her, just as the other shirts found their targets as well.  
  
The women screamed.  
  
"Too bad the General's not here to see this" Janet muttered to herself and wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes.  
  
*You gimmie reason to live, you gimmie reason to live, you gimmie reason to live..*  
  
Up next were the belts. Rocking their hips in a way that would have made Elvis real proud the dancers played with their audience.  
  
First, hands lovingly caress the belt buckle, 'one, two, three, four' .., then flip it open, two steps to the right, two steps to the left, 'one, two, three, four' .., pull it out and hold it up high in the air, 'one, two' .., then swing it around and let it sail towards the crowd.  
  
Again Jack's aim was flawless. Happily hugging his shirt and belt to her Sam returned to Janet's side. "How can you stay so cool?" she asked her friend incredulously.  
  
Janet smiled superiorly. "I can make them take off their clothes for me quite regularly.. ."  
  
"Well yes, but they don't do this in the infirmary, do they?" Sam pointed towards the makeshift stage.  
  
'One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight' .., hip thrust forward and back, 'one, two' .., circle slowly, 'one, two, three, four' .. .  
  
Janet gasped. "Uh … no, they don't."  
  
---------------  
  
Happily humming to himself General Hammond arrived at Sam's house. When he neared the door he could hear music and laughter inside. The door wasn't locked, so he let himself in without anyone noticing his arrival.  
  
---------------  
  
*You can leave your hat on..*  
  
Grabbing their pants with both hands all six men pulled them off with one swift move. Except for their service caps the only part of clothing now left on them were tight-fitting black briefs.  
  
Then, with another set of suggestive hip wriggles they prepared for the finale. When they lined up in a row and began marching purposefully towards the front of the stage Sam gasped.  
  
"Ohmigod, they're gonna take them off. It's just like in the movie."  
  
Janet's ribs already hurt with the bursts of laughter she couldn't contain. She hugged her arms around herself and moaned: "I can't watch this, ohmigod, I can't!"  
  
Holding their caps in front of them, the men reached down and ripped of their briefs simultaneously. A cacophony of surprised gasps and helpless giggles from the female audience accompanied their action. Then, with a flourish they all flipped their caps once over in their hands and positioned them back on their heads.  
  
"Holy Hannah!" exclaimed Sam before the entire room dissolved into uncontrollable, hilarious laughter at the sight that greeted the women.  
  
An Air Force Colonel, a doctor of archaeology, an Air Force Major, a Sergeant, a Lieutenant and a Jaffa all stood there, wearing even tinier briefs than before – but with the SGC insignia stitched just on all the right places… .  
  
Jack put his hands on his hips, silencing the audience. "So, have we won the bet, or what?!"  
  
At that moment General Hammond rounded the corner, busily rummaging in the plastic bag he was carrying.  
  
"Major Carter, thank you for inviting me tonight. I've brought you something to entertain us a little." With that he finally looked up and was stopped dead in his tracks as he took in the scene around him.  
  
A scene that featured his 2IC prominently displayed on a stage – and closer to naked than the good General could ever have imagined possible. Next to the Colonel, posed some of the other male members under the General's command, in the same state of undress.  
  
Mouth agape, General Hammond just stood there, speechless, with the gift for Sam still held in his outstretched hand.  
  
Sam went over to the hapless General and took the box from him. She couldn't hold back a surprised gurgle of laughter when she saw what the General had brought. Turning around she held it up for the others to see. "Look guys, the General's brought us the DVD of the movie 'The Full Monty' to watch… ."  
  
  
  
FIN  
  
  
  
Oh, you wanna know how the losers of the bet have to pay up? Well, that's another story… 


End file.
